procrastination. the delay. the “imma get there soon.” the “in a few more hours.” the “should i set up a rule around this?” it’s tough. is it tough? once i open up premiere pro and i’m in it, i’m flowing. once i start typing this entry, i’m flowing. but the road here. the leadup…holy fuck do i fall often. often and hard. and worse yet– I KNOW BETTER!
the doing always feels better.
and yet… whether in work, play (art in this case), relationship… that reach before i’m engaged. that DIP. it swallows me up 8 times out of 10. i delay this post. then a meeting pops up. then mom needs something. then it’s 2230 and i remember i need to do x, y, and z–and boom. no blog. and that momentum builds. the momentum of NOT getting things done. the momentum of putting things off. perhaps most detrimental…. the habit of falling short of the vision i have for me is accepted. practiced. repeated. day in. day out. day in. day out. day in. day out. those strokes. those reps. those could have been creative reps. moments where i calloused my mind and did it anyway. FUCK EMOTION. i do it anyway. i do it anyway. i do it anyway. and do you know what that habit ends up looking like?
i don’t like to start but once i do, i enjoy it. and so i–
so nai. seriously. let’s cross.
let’s go to the side of: think it, say it, do it, enjoy it.
leave behind the realm of, “oh this will destroy my relationship with x” or “i don’t want to create this obligatory compulsion with y.”
yes i do.
because i know what happens when i don’t.
love u universe.