hey there.

scratch scratch. poke poke.
this thing still on?


i met my objective for today– i worked on Heartbeat. 
the list of things on my mind extends far beyond that but that isn’t the point of this post.

so… to my anxious, confused, mean, and selfish brain… objective achieved. thank you for your service. please hold the overwhelm and judgment.


my usual strategy for overwhelm is to run the clock.  to exit the game.  to stop playing. to let the buzzer wail as anxious thoughts eddy about me. this let the pieces fall where they may, hands up in defeat mentality is an attempt to rid myself of desire.  rather than leaning into the challenge i release from engagement.

except it doesn’t work.

the desire stays with me. and because i’m not acting that desire mutates into shame, guilt, anxiety, or some other toxic force.  the obsession never fades but is instead corrupted and becomes corrosive.  this is one of the ways i deal with overwhelm.  this particular method isn’t healthy, it is sustainable–though the price is peace is pretty fucking steep, it’s not fulfilling, nor is it productive.

if i take a moment and look through my cookie jar (all my wins) the common denominator is leaning in. getting into bed and wrestling with the challenge at hand.  sometimes that’s diving right in, other times that’s scaling up slowly, either way, as always, begin.


love you universe


tony robbins talks about the 6 human needs

  1. certainty
  2. uncertainty/variety
  3. significance
  4. love/connection
  5. growth
  6. contribution

the first 4 can yield happiness but fulfillment can only be achieved with the inclusion of the last 2. i haven’t interfaced w/ this material in a really long time but it’s coming up now.  how are these needs being met ? are the decisions/vehicles/methods i’m using to meet these needs healthy or unhealthy? which needs am i prioritizing at the moment?

reflect and soak this in nai.

hi after effects

i missed u.
i don’t visit nearly often enough.

today ends w/ u giving me the swerve on the motion tracking i wanted. tbh the motion tracking is fine.  but whenever i duplicate files they call point to the same parent source, so if i personalize one call out title they all change! all attempted workarounds have failed. the answer is somewhere out there doe.

i’m a crazy man.

it’s just like EVERYONE around me saidjust start. you’ll get into flow AND love it. you love doing this KIND OF WORK.

holy fuck.

goddarnshit so much fun!!!!

it’s fucking crazyballs that i was soooooooooooooooooo avoidant. jeezuz fuck. once i just focused on EDITING. it. was. straight. glory. i mean ZERO pain. not to mention it was only a 3.5hr edit–i mean i have been exposed to the footie for a bit now but i really haven’t been thinking about it. shit. perhaps my subconscious has? or was i just hype to edit again? whatever the case i’m DONE with my initial rough cut.  kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa❤❤❤❤😂. it was so nice poking and plucking at numerous ways to tell the story. nudging the universe before me. it was DA BEST. hah.
oh man.
😁✌🏾i’m dead.

okay and now it’s 0518.. deets tom. or some other time. for now. victory 🙌🏾 i wish i was involved since the beginning on this project.  hm…. well maybe not. i just wish the footage was just coded better. like for real.

i will admit this: i REALLY HATE unorganized or disorganized footage.

a systematic setup means an easy workflow. and that means i can focus on the edit and just the edit. and man does that feel good. i will most definitely study/read up on classic editing styles and adopt all the industry-standard principles at once 😈😁❤💋🐱‍🐉💖


love you world.
bye now..