count it

i’ve never considered the amount of blogs chase or i have published thus far.
i think i’m at 98 posts, which is kinda cray. i say this to say this, i’m ALWAYS looking, judging, and evaluating my work but if i step back and look at the work i’m NOT eyeing–i’m proud.


the things i eye the most grow the slowest. this ethos is also embedded in gary vee’s document over create.

build. go brick by brick. stop looking all the time.

love you universe


why do i only feel motivation to adhere to them 5 seconds after the buzzer goes off?

do things really have to go bad before i change my ways?

is it a hard-headed rock bottom issue? maybe i really don’t comprehend the value…

perhaps my life luck has ossified this  bad habit.

guilt and shame are good motivators—why isn’t delivering on time?  those with anxiety or an obsessive work ethic are blessed in this regard. pops always said, “those who don’t listen feel”—i’m on that path. reputation is everything and i keep toying with mine..

freelance is damn near impossible without a healthy rep.   not to mention as technology democratizes the film world, creative aptitude and reputation will be the only shiney differentiators.

will u survive nai nai?

things are in flow. and this time, for once, i’m not just referring to work, freekance, efficiency, romance, or life luck in general. i mean internally. mentally. i guess they have been for awhile. admist the constant future talk and life mapping i’ve been able to maintain an appreciation of and connection to mindfulness.

i don’t  always journal or blog. i don’t always jog or get seven hours of sleep. i don’t always reach out to all my love ones or check my finances—all things that are important to me. but i DO meditate for at least 10 mins a day. and even on the rare occasion when i “miss a day” the benefits of daily practice continue to bleed into waking life, nourshing my mind.  every so often, every few hours, i lift my head from the constant rage of internal dialogue and simply observe.

i must admit meditation isn’t new to me at all. i’ve had long runs prior but this era is different. the guided meditation with sam harris has pointed my focus in specific directions, nudged me toward the mirror and asked me to “look for my head”—where does the seat of consciousness rest? i’m much more sensitive to the clouds of sensory data that bubble to the surface, unsolicited they roll into view. i’m more comfortable on the tiny raft of consciousness that floats atop the entire universe. thank you for that gift sam.

love u universe


my amazing 15-minute call.

today deaf&mumbles lover-n-manager called from work and unveiled something wonderful. a plan. also i don’t think this was an authorized break…

anywhoo amidst the pool of overwhelm and despair she found me in emerged a plan. today’s task was super fun task– get acquainted with swan’s ronin-s.  love affair begun.

oh, and here’s our plan of attack. more to come once swan loads in her data:

JC Bumper

  • Friday, March 22⋅13:30 – 17:30 Edit & Send Final Draft
  • Sunday, March 24⋅21:00 – 22:00 Edit any feedback



  • Friday, March 22⋅11:00 – 11:30 Invoice: Draft & Send
  • Monday, March 25⋅20:00 – 21:00 Send shot list  



  • Saturday, March 23⋅10:00 – 16:30 Event Shoot
  • Saturday, April 6⋅12:00 – 14:00 Shoot origin story/location scout



  • Thursday, March 21⋅22:00 – 23:00 Practice: Ronin Pt I
  • Friday, March 22⋅18:00 – 19:00 Practice: Ronin Pt II
  • Saturday, March 23⋅17:00 – 18:00 Practice: Ronin Pt III
  • Saturday, March 23⋅22:45 – 23:45 Pack for Liya
  • Saturday, March 23⋅23:00 – 23:30 Reformat Cards
  • Sunday, March 24⋅13:30 – 19:00 Shoot: Lookbook
  • Sunday, March 31⋅12:00 – 17:30 Begin rough cut



  • Friday, March 22⋅19:30 – 21:30 Sync all sound
  • March 25, 2019, 21:00 – March 26, 2019, 00:00 Build sequence
  • March 29, 2019, 22:00 – March 30, 2019, 00:00 Edit footie
  • March 30, 2019, 11:00 – March 31, 2019, 00:00 Edit Footie
  • Sunday, March 31⋅10:00 – 11:00 Send Rough Cut I


Deaf&Mumbles (general)

  • Friday, March 22⋅13:00 – 13:30 Igor: Call about potential vid


damn a plan feels good. now i can just focus on execution. no thinking. just doing. and remember the nai, the key to wading thru all blah is action. also remember chase’s words…this is what i wanted. relish in the opportunity to honor this path. HAVE FUN.

love you universe

hiring a manager and joining a team

i have two great weaknesses: planning and avoiding responsibility. i tend to (at least in this state anyway) function off the false/limiting belief that FREE time means unassigned time.  when in fact whenever i have calendar obligations that’s precisely because i’m ON COURSE to accomplish something i really cared about–HENCE PLANNING.

this week i’ve made two major investments. chase and i will finally solidify ourselves as accountability partners. i need that. and he’s very familiar with my various hang-ups, as he’s traversed or is mucking through the very same mire now.

i also need a manager.  someone who handles the organizational details.  i avoid plotting things on my calendar LIKE THE PLAGUE. planning requires popping up to take a global view, dropping back to the daily, all WHILE prioritizing ship time, blah, blah, blah–i’m dead. then there’s also the fact that i’m pretty bad (like most humans) at estimating completion times. what parts of the filmmaking process do i enjoy? shooting. meeting people. designing concepts. everything else around it, all the producer-like elements, are tough as hell for me.

and that’s not an excuse to sanction NEVER reaching proficiency in these areas but i have to be real– it’s stopping me now.

so i’m enlisting swancakes as my manager!  this is what she does!!  i’m watching her slay at keeping dawat (her short film) on task everyday. not to mention she was the primary creative mind behind the concept as well–shoutout dual wielding.  that said, as we build deaf&mumbles leveraging one another’s talents will be in our code anywhoo!  ideally this will go like the chase photo day w/ ebony: i’ll slowly live through the benefits while observing how it’s done. over time i’ll learn but in the meantime, i STAY working.

let’s see how this plan goes.   ultimately no one can DO THE WORK FOR ME…i will have to face all these demons on the plane of life at some point but in the meantime, i must play to my strengths. okay.

mouth vomit of all the things on my plate atm:

Ad-lib (Nicky’s project)

  • invoice – make sure to mention half now, half later pay wise
  • shot list – include roles for each subject and invite them to add more ideas


  • event photography w/ chase this saturday
  • promo video of her talking about her origin story while canvassing a potential event site

Liya’s project

  • shoot lookbook this sunday
  • edit lookbook
  • train w/ ronin (today, tomorrow, and saturday)

Heartbeat (Toya’s project)

  • rebuild project
  • sync sound
  • new edit
  • ship rough cut to toya by march 31st


  • send her final edit of Liya’s project in order to secure october’s wedding client


  • bumper for youtube – less than 1.5 mins due sunday
  • mini shorts for insta


  • create reel for new clients


  • review our talk
  • sketch plan
  • schedule mtg – inperson or skype

holy nuggets batman. so much to-do. and i’m sure i’m forgetting something….
love you universe


schedulding needed

i haven’t taken a swing at any of my projects. i’m living day to day again. i wake up, respond to things that come up, do some social activity, go to sleep.


where is the work? i don’t look at my weekly/monthly goals. it’s not on calendar and not on my mind.

get on it nai nai. don’t squander more time.


chase and i will be voltroning soon.  this blog is a product of that but we need a tighter glue. certain silos of our life need to be boarded up and secured. this is another opportunity to grow.


it’ll have podcast’ie feels. it’ll be honest. it will be motived by love. for our families. for our craft. for the business. and for the artist in one another we’ve been attempting to foster and grow.

love u universe. thanks for the blessing. -sHdaHero

baby gurl’s swish

INT – AUDITORIUM – LIVE SHOW i watched swan dive from the stage to rescue sound (which i was manning btw) then turn tail and go right back up to perform. cray balls.

i was nervous because the show ground to a halt– i can only IMAGINE her mind

semonti handled it with grace.
all of this took me back to TEEM and my theater company days. everything that can go wrong does. yet from it, if you’re lucky, an amazing show springs legs and crawls into the hearts and minds of the audience. that happened. it was wonderful to watch everyone perform. so proud.

my heart swelled even more, knowing that the shot the final group shot was such a bold message, esp given the culture’s somewhat conservative structure.  plainly put, i simply LOVE seeing everyone on stage, nervous, excited, but stepping forth to share. it was sooo good for the soul.

so what did i take away from this?

  • be as prepared as possible. if anything is put in my hands (sound in this instance) i need to learn it inside and out to the best of my ability. had i gotten familiar with the program as well as KNEW the songs, i could have patched & problemed solved it all myself.  it wasn’t that complicated at all. i just didn’t know the material well enough 😞
  • it’s always “my fault” sound/light dude said something dope when he overheard my recanting the fuckups with swan, “it’s always on you man. program or not [i’m paraphrasing here] it’s under your jurisdiction and therefore your responsibility”. this is a good attitude to have. and i agree. this ethos rings true for film and for freelance as well.
  • all the good nuggets/lessons are IN the screw-ups i learned so much tonight precisely BECAUSE things were a little bumpy. next time when the stakes are higher i will be better prepared to support my lover, or any artist i partner with for that matter.

thank you universe.
love you.




  • JC bumper
  • schedule days for short film work
  • prepare invoice for brand commercial (small business)
  • prepare shotlist for brand commercial
  • prepare reflection notes for new campaign for client


word and action

i gave my word. “i’ll have this done in a week”. i couldn’t deliver. soon after, i admitted fault and gave my word again. i missed that window too.

there were a myriad of reasons why i missed the mark yet again but i owned them. i took those lessons in. now it’s round three. i admitted fault and set a new deadline.

i have more time. another chance. now i have to TO DO more.