so last night baby gurl aka swanlake aka swanberry aka swancakes was in the trenches. she worked a full day. ran a fundraising meeting for the short film she’s working on. thennnnnnn proceeded to go HAM and begin editing an episode of her magnum opus, the ineffable, Sarah Taylor.
total sleep time 30 mins.
some part solidarity. some part “i got shit to do.” many parts, screw living in fear of lack of sleep/the cold sore shot-clock— all coalesced into my deciding to ride out with her and work. i had a fucking blast. i forget how much i enjoy being in flow. and late nights. damn, i love late nights. don’t get me wrong, quite a few annoying hiccups flared up. as per usual there were the 7000 roadblocks that arise whenever one tries to render something out of premiere. let’s not even dwell on all the basic bitch lessons i re-learned: save every few minutes… i got about 2/3 of the way through a multicamera edit when premiere just fucking CRASHED. yep. back to the drawing board. but i stuck with it. why? some part solidarity. some part “i got shit to do.” many parts, screw living in fear of lack of sleep/the cold sore shot-clock…
before linking with swan for our midnight run (which btw is still on-going for her, the episode still isn’t up) the path ahead continues to unfurl. earlier last night i spoke with my sister about my lack of direction at times and she said: i just think about what i need to get to the next level in whatever i want to do. then i do it. if it turns out i was wrong, fuck it. i’ll do something else. if i get there and it’s not good enough, fuck it. i’ll go where i can get it. you think too much. your good at so much. just decide.
a few hours ago, zeus and i reflected on all these things and a lot more. as we made our usual rounds in conversation it hit both of us. conversation was the common denominator among many of my strongest relationships. that’s where i have to go. there’s something important about proliferating that ability to others. then i can do something else. but i must get there first. and when i get there, IF it’s not enough. fuck it. i’ll find out where it is. and so on and so on.
some part solidarity. i’ll keep surrounding myself with, growing, and serving those around me.
some part “i got shit to do.” i’ll keep following the compass of connection that’s always been guiding me, however, now i’ll follow it with intent. i will be as vulnerable, as open, and as bright as possible. i will REALLY TRY WITH THE CONVERSATION SERIES GOING FORWARD.
many parts, screw living in fear of lack of sleep/the cold sore shot-clock… i will take care of my body but i will push hard. and i expect unsavory times as a result.
THANK YOU UNIVERSE