i am dedicated to swimming upstream. i’ve been laying the bricks. and for the first time, i have a row. and a row atop that. i believe. i can appreciate how rare momentum is. this blog shows that much and i’m thankful for that too. this will be a much longer run. i’m looking forward to the cold. the drowning feeling. there are so many ups and downs. and i’m willing to give up more than ever to sail. i know this now because i’ve finally begun to let go, and begin.


love you universe

old but new gift

there’s something special about not seeing a moment. chiseling. and then seeing a moment.  i feel that now in the edit. and what a thrilling rush it is. impatience, it appears, has been robbing me blind

strange to be back

it feels right. feels cozy.  no big announcements or commitments accompany this entry.  i won’t fight the natural. GTD (Getting things done: the art of stress-free productivity by david allen) is here; a little under a year’s worth of experience from break-up, to goggins, to break-up, to goggins, hedonism off and on, and the rattling of my stable full-time gig all came to pass.  hello world.  you are wide, wonderous, wise, and unwavering.  as am i.

love you universe


1st to the 24th

hah! i haven’t logged in in nearly a month.
i don’t feel bad though. i never decided (with gusto) that i really was going to.  journaling and mediation have been far more consistent. and this is a form of journaling. so perhaps the bigger question here is why blog.

chasey camaraderie had a lot to do with it but not all.  let’s revisit this. in the meantime–guilt free baby! though clearly i’m concerned about it 😂


looked into my phone bill today.
only $383.28 left until my phone is paid off.

that’s $47.91 that will come back to once i have that baby in teh grave.
shoutout taking off the case, getting a few scratches, and discouraging myself from trading it in for a new one. if i kept the case on, my phone would be scratch free, and i’d have already sent it back for the “latest”


courtesy of Jerry Colonna via Tim Ferriss.

i already do: gratitude, classic diary “x, y, and z happened”, and exploring a particular topic or drama i’m focused on. that said the techniques below will be SUPRA helpful going forward:

“right now i’m feeling………………”


honor the different voices/selves in my mind. if it helps use different color ink. as they yell and whisper, give each of them screen time.

i also received some powerful QUESTIONS that will definitely prove helpful when suffering.

also good for thinking, meditating, and journaling. shit…questions i should share with others

  • how have i been complicit in creating the conditions i say i don’t want?(COMPLICIT not RESPONSIBLE. there’s a difference. complicit as in what CONTRIBUTION did i have??)
  • what am i not saying that needs to be said?
  • what am i saying that’s not being heard?
  • what’s being said that i’m not hearing?


these are all clearly classic therapy tools but they’re classic tools a reason. their dope.

thank you universe.

yay more small changes to make ^_^

  • cook more at home
  • look into reducing my phone bill via family plan or by switching companies
  • switch to uhh…. chipped versions of certain pricey programs
  • let sam harris know i need that freebie on his app–amazing he even has this option
  • track food expenses for a week
  • cancel boomerang, the email one not the insta one you crazies!
  • play with diff parts of my budget, imagine different futures and stay inspired
  • i get two checks a month from my salary gig. aim to get a “third” from freelance
  • all the money i save from making different choices should go to debt repayment not more spending


thankie qaz!


mark manson would say, “what are the problems you want?” often we play the movie of what we want in our heads but do so absent all the problems that come with said dream.  instead reflect on the problems i’d most enjoy having…


nearly divested i grab hold of just enough. thanks for being consistent chase. zoo as well. i’ll return the favor shortly.


i love u all.